Syd Luckman and I are working the front desk when a customer walks up.
Syd: Yeah, I read the online spoilers for the new Harry Potter...
Nenie: Syd. I have a few warnings to burn. If you tell me anything, I will punch you.
Yup, it's magic moment time people. It's kinda weird to have the job I have now that the "biggest book ever" is being released. Being on in on the behind the scenes stuff on the retail end of the publishing industry...Thankfully, I have yet to violate the spirit of my NDA.
]]>
You are the good Samaritan of the lolcat world. Protecting others from danger by shouting observations and guidance in cases of imminent threat, you believe in the well-being of everyone.
| Link: The Which Lolcat Are You? Test written by GumOtaku on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test |
A few things:
Spain was awesome.
I have my annual summer cold right now.
Going to Chicago this weekend.
Nena's going to Stanford this weekend.
I applied for a promotion at The Minuteman since Cmdr. Gaffigan is leaving...
Beto got 39MPG on his last tank.
]]>May 17
Leave Albuquerque
May 18
Arrive in Barcelona
May 21
Arrive in Sevilla
May 23
Arrive in Toledo
May 25
Arrive in Caceres
May 27
Arrive in Madrid
May 28
Arrive in Albuquerque
Maybe there will be updates from the road, probably not...see y'all in two weeks.
]]>Cuz we are.
]]>Today is May 5, and it fucking snowed in Santa Fe.
Fucking Al Gore. If he hadn't told us all about this whole earth is melting bullshit, we'd be ignorant of the climate changing on us. If we were ignorant about things like this, it wouldn't have snowed today, on May 5.
Thankfully, the snow didn't stick and by the time I drove home you couldn't have told it snowed earlier in the day.
But still.
It snowed today.
Chas said the snow coming and going the way it did was kinda like an unexpected one night stand.
I said it was more like your one night stand screaming:
"OH BABY, OH YESSS, YOU'RE THE TOP GUN, OH CUBE! AHHHH! OK, thanks, I've gotta go, I'm double parked."
Did I mention it snowed today?
]]>So what's this deal with Liz needing an "escort" to be in someone's bridal party?
Man, those Canadians have some funky wedding customs.
]]>ROAD TRIP!
Taking Maxi home to my parents. Should be a good time...
]]>Anyway, I was sitting on the couch tonight recovering from the past two days when I smelled something strange. What the hell is that? Damn, it smells like ass! BABY ASS!
Yup, Nena has replaced our normal bathroom handsoap with one that smells lke baby ass. It's part talc, part soap and part smell that clean babies have. In short, it smells like baby ass. Clean baby ass, but baby ass none the less.
(Oh and Cody and Al, check out the opening act Tift Merritt, you'll both like her for different reasons.
OK, so the tickets were on time, but they were...oh you get the point.
Anyway, as we were walking out we had the following conversation.
Nena: Honey, was it me or did the theater smell funny?
Nenie: Huh?
Nena: It smelled like a wet ashtray in there.
Nenie: Oh, that. Ummm, I mean, did you look around in there.
*pause*
Nena: What?
Nenie: (looking around the streets and over his shoulder) I'll tell you when we're in the car.
*pause*
Nena: OOOOOH. Yeah. I get it. You're right that's what it was. Man, white people smell nasty when they get funky. I mean, they smell really good ordinarily, but when they smell bad they smell really bad.
Nenie: (looks over shoulder, sees horrified older couple behind him) Yeah, well, I guess that's one advantage our people have, yknow? We smell better dirty.
Nena: TOTALLY. Man, that theater stank. Good thing the concert was so good.
]]>If nothing else, this is a reminder of how bad journalism has gotten. We lose Mr. Halberstam and have him replaced by Katie Couric. Apples to pears, but apples are extinct these days.
]]>Anyway, Nena went to her parents' this weekend so I was alone when the alarm went off at 6:30a. I rolled around for a second before lying flat on my back and staring at the ceiling. It was kinda like in the original Matrix when Trinity falls flat on her back in the opening sqeuqnce and she wills herself to stand up by repeating "standupstandupstandup."
Didn't work.
Then I thought to myself. "Whatever dude, Cmdr. KITTENS! and Lt. Librarian are already at work and have been for half an hour. Shit, Cmdr. KITTENS! closed last night."
Amazing how motivational realizing it sucks more to be someone else is. I wonder if Anne Lamott's ever written anything about that?
This is where it gets fun.
I'm working with Grandma, who I used to get along with pretty well, until well, things changed. Anyway, that last hour dragged on forever as she has decided to not like me and stop talking to me. We said maybe two dozen words to each other in that last hour and she had me looking at the clock waiting for the last hour to end.
Fifteen minutes before quitting time, it happens.
The Minuteman attracts its fair share of nutjobs, fruitcakes and homeless. And a new homeless guy has come in to replace Creepy McPonytail, the resident transient that I had banned from the store after he attempted to intimidate one guy too many. Namely, me.
Anyway, the new guy's name is LeBon and like Creepy McPonytail I think he's more eccentric than homeless, kinda like that chica I went to Carleton with who went to NYC after graduation to be homeless for a year. Yes, her parents had a lot of money.
Right, so he tries to strike up a conversation with me, being smarter than Creepy McPonytail dreamt of being on his best day. Cuz, yknow, he realizes that this is my store and if I'm cool with him, things are gonna be better for him.
"Hey, Nenie. Cool name. You Italian?"
I had a few options here. I could say I'm Spanish like everyone else in NM. I could say I'm Latin, I could say I'm Chilean or...
"No, Colombian."
"Wow, cool. Cuz, yknow I've been looking for a hookup" *wink* *smirk*
I stop for a minute, look at him like he's an idiot and then...
"Wow, that stopped being funny in what? 1983?"
"Ummm."
I change my look to be one wherein I look at him like he smells. Which he doesn't.
"Seriously man. You have no idea how amazingly offensive you just were. Seriously. What was that? Wow, like, so amazingly offensive. You have any clue? No, you don't. Please leave my personal space. Thanks."
Ugh.
]]>Work's been apeshit busy the past few weeks. Last Saturday we had a really big in-store event that involved a Senator, a Congressman and a few hundred people cramming into the Minuteman to watch the carnival.
After watching the events unfold I've realized two things:
1) There's no Old-Timer's Day in politics.
Gone are the days when you can blow your party's nomination and still matter.
2) Al Gore's got the right idea.
Stay outside the system, do your thing.
I don't normally watch Ultimate Fighting, seriously, before tonight I'd only ever watched half of a round of some lightweight bout a few weeks ago. But, I'm home alone this weekend, and Spike TV had the PPV for free, so, yknow, why not right?
By the time I remember the show is on they're already introducing the penultimate match of the evening so I set the TiVo to "record" and go back to watch the episode of ST:Voyager I was watching when I remembered there was this thing where guys were beating the hell out of each other on free TV.
After Janeway's been rescued I head back over to watch guys beat the hell out of each other.
First match, a heavyweight bout that was really kinda bullshit. It was some guy from Belarus that now fights out of Chicago that used to be the UFC heavyweight champion fighting some guy from Brazil. (Arlovski v. Werdun for those keeping track at home). Brazilian guy keeps evading, the other guy realizes that he's won after getting a really nice combo in and all in all the match is some combination of the worst game of Street Fighter II ever played and the kind of Test v. Big Show match we all would have run to the bathroom or smoking porch during in college.
Yeah, I've never watched any UFC and after this match, I'm not entirely sure I'm ever going to again. I'm really not getting the point, it's kinda like boxing without the action.
Arlovski wins, represents Chicago with pride and I hit fast forward to get to the main event, which Mike Goldberg and Joe "Fear Factor" Rogan have been hyping.
Number one contender's match for the UFC Heavyweight Title, another Brazilian (Gabriel Gonzaga) versus a Croatian (Miko Cro Cop).
Goldberg and Rogan do their best to not look like they're totally in love with Cro Cop, thankfully the regining UFC Heavyweight Champion, Randy Couture is in the house to keep these two honest. Here's a pretty inexact reacap.
Goldberg: Cro Cop is going to destroy that other guy.
Couture: You mean Gonzaga?
Rogan: Who?
Couture: The other guy in the bout, the one fighting Cro Cop.
Goldberg: Cro Cop is amazing.
Rogan: I'd eat worms just to be able to have his babies.
Couture: Umm, guys, Gonzaga could totally take Cro Cop out.
Goldberg: BLASHPEMER!
Rogan: Dude, just because you're the champ and you have to fight the winner here doesn't mean you know anything.
Did I mention Gonzaga looks like my little brother? Cuz he does.
Right, so the match gets under way and half way through the first round the guy that looks like Drieg takes Cro Cop down and holds him down with his left arm while pounding him in the head with his right arm.
It's at this point that I'm starting to understand why you might want to possibly think about watching the UFC. Cuz, that take down was kinda cool, and watching the gears in Cro Cop's head turning as he tries to figure out a way onto his feet, yknow, kinda neat.
After about two minutes of this, the ref looks at his watch, realizes that there's like 20 seconds left in the round and calls for a break to let Cro Cop back onto his feet.
Goldberg: That was a really nice favor the ref just did Cro Cop.
Rogan: NO, CRO COP IS MINE!
Couture: Guys, seriously, that's proably really good for Gonzaga.
There's like ten second left in the round, Cro Cop is back on his feet, glad that the ref is letting him end the round with some dignity and trying to find a way out of these last ten second so he can come out in the BOOM!
Out of nowhere Gonzaga hits him with one of those crazy roundhouse kicks that were really popular in those Brazilian Kung Fu movies of the mid to late 90s. You know the one I'm talking about, the one with the Desert Storm Commando who ends up teaching HS in Miami and topples a drug empire.
Cro Cop got KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT.
Seriously, he's out, cold. Ref jumps in on top of the guy that looks like Drieg and pulls him off the totally KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT Cro Cop, whose apparently a member of the Croatian Parliament. Seriously, look it up. This guy that looks like my little brother just KNOCKED a member of the Croatian Parliament and the former head of their anti-terrorism task force THE FUCK OUT.
The three guys in the booth go apeshit, the champ has this "I told you so" tone in his voice and the UFC production guys start showing you shots of the kick from angles you didn't even know they had.
Hard Camera: Check
Hand Held At Ringside: Check
Camera Exclusively Used for Ladder Matches: Check
Backboard Cam: Check
Camera Embedded in Octagon Girl's Cleavage: Check.
Seriously, every angle, every reverse angle, regular speed, slo mo, they had them all of this one shot to the side of Cro Cop's head.
Every once in a while they'd cut to a shot of Gonzaga running around the ring posing like he's in a hip hop video or Cro Cop still KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT in the middle of the ring. It's been about five minutes and Rogan is oohing and ahhing about the really sick angle that Cro Cop's knee and ankle were in when he went down and talking about how there's no way he didn't mess up his leg really badly.
And it's not like Cro Cop's alone in the middle of the ring, they have the entire cast of ER working on him. They even brought back Noah Wylie and George Clooney. It was actually about the time that Clooney came down to the ring to work on Cro Cop that I started to worry about the guy. I mean, here they are showing a lot of angles of him going down and he's still out cold. I was actually worried that he'd been killed and here's Joe Rogan talking about whether or not the cadaver has an ACL.
Thankfully, it's about the time Donald Faison and Zach Braff get in the building that Cro Cop wakes up. But damn, he got KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT.
Have I mentioned that part?
OK, that said, I don't think I'm going to shell out money for a UFC event any time soon, but I think the TiVo will be instructed to pick up more of it than it has previous. But not that lame reality show. I don't care if people say it's good, I'm not that big a a nerd.
What?
I didn't mention that.
M'bad.
]]>